Obama Wins Grammy, Wants To Be American Idol

Besides winning a slate of Presidential primaries over the weekend, Senator Barack Obama achieved another milestone: he's a step closer to being a full-fledged American Idol. While voters from Nebraska to Maine were punching his name out on their primary ballots, Grammy voters in Hollywood selected him as a winner of that vaunted award. Obama won Best Spoken Word Album for his audio version of "The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming The American Dream."

Upon winning, Obama made it clear that while he'd like to win the Presidency, he now has his eyes fixed on a bigger prize. "Hell, I mean...heck yeah, I'd like to try out for American Idol," said a clearly energized Obama, super-psyched to be on live TV at that very moment. "Unless I'm mistaken, I don't think the bylaws for either the Presidential nominating process or Idol prevent an individual from holding both titles simultaneously. And I don't think Simon and the gang would look down on, you know, the most cherished, respected award in the annals of music!"

While Obama has pledged to continue serving the interests of the American people, especially those too beat down by our oppressive world to help themselves, it's clear that his newfound ambitions have taken center stage, at least for now. At a debate on the campus of University of Maryland this morning, moderator Brian Williams asked Senator Obama what he'd do to stimulate the lagging economy and job market. In the dignified, thoughtful manner he's become known for, the Senator walked to the front of the stage where he let loose a tongue-spasming shriek and ripped away his conservative charcoal suit revealing a satin, florescent-orange zoot suit underneath. The Senator then coaxed the (debilitatingly frightened) audience into rhythmic clapping and entered into song as if his very life depended on this one, and only one, precious performance:

"OLE OLE OLE OLE...OLE OLE OLE OLE...FIESTA!!!!"

Obama's advance team then sprayed the audience with sticky spray as a tacky Jamaican steel drum band consisting of balding, pasty white dudes took up a familiar tune that's practically offensive it's so clichéd and played out. Obama fixated on every word as if it were his ticket to the top of the talent heap:

"Me mind on fire, me soul on fire

Feelin' HOT HOT HOT

Party people all around me

Feelin' HOT HOT HOT"

As Obama bumped and jazzed away, to the surprise of nobody, Bill Clinton appeared Stage Right wearing the tacky sunglasses and saxophone that Hillary tried unsuccessfully to hide away in the attic.

Welcome to American politics in the year 2008.