Clinton & Obama Lawyers To Duel At Dawn If Texas Undecided

While the Democratic Primary in Ohio has been called for Hillary Clinton, the results in Texas are still too close to call. Many in the media have begun speculating how the party will sort out the tally as charges of voting irregularities, crowded polling stations, and ballot box confusion begin to fly between the Clinton and Obama camps.

I have a suggestion.

I suggest we turn it over to the lawyers, but not in the typical way. We've already had back and forth bickering tonight between attorneys from each side over caucus irregularities. But how about a gun fight? How about two smug, stuffy-ass lawyers set their alarm for dawn, put on their shiny wing-tips and triple-breasted suits, put a scoop of pomade in their thinning hair, walk out to some town square, stand back to back, march 20 paces and start firing at each other with silly abandon? A duel! Give them machine guns, give them grenades, give them nunchucks. Give them poison-tipped darts. Give them access to angry lynch mobs not seen outside failed states of human desperation like Pakistan and Afghanistan. Give them brass knuckles and reams of dynamite. Let's see these asswipes fight it out. Let's see them wipe each other right off the map!