In a stunning turn of events, frat boys across the country are following the lead of disgraced New York Governor Eliot Spitzer and springing for high-end sex entertainment. Fraternities are notorious for purchasing the cheapest, sleaziest, low-rent strippers that money can buy. But that's beginning to change. "It's a revelation," said Senior Damon Rawls, President of Kappa Sigma Kappa at Seton Hall. "We don't have to live like this any more."
The typical fraternity party pays for a stripper by placing a skeezy keg cup in the tap room and hoping that a few of their broke, and emotionally immature brothers will accidentally drop a ratty dollar bill or two in. Inevitably this means that they're then flipping through the yellow pages for the smallest, most unimpressive ad under the "Stripper" heading. And when the entertainment arrives, it's anyone's guess who she is and where she came from. "It makes you wonder if the bouncer is packing heat to protect her or to put her out of her misery after the show," lamented Rawls.
It appears, however, that Mr. Spitzer's scandal has inspired fraternities across the country to go upmarket in their quest for alcohol fueled sexual hijinks. At Rawls' Seton Hall fraternity, the assembled brothers giddily secured the services of a $5,000/night stripper by pooling money collected for their annual Spring Carnival. There were also reports that Beta house brothers at Oklahoma State had flown a stripper in from Dallas by using the available balance on every credit card in the frat. The Hurricane newspaper at The University of Miami reported that members of Psi Theta were scanning the beach with metal detectors, hoping to come upon a treasure cache to pay for a pricey, high-end exotic dancer for their St. Patrick's Day Jamboree.
The sentiment in fraternities across the country seems to be "we only have one life to live, so why spend it with cheap hos." "Let's face it," explains Rawls. "We're already pretty irresponsible and boorish, so we might as well behave ridiculously with respect to our finances as well."
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