High ranking members of the New York Legislature are considering the appointment of a sexual deviant featured on the popular NBC show "To Catch a Predator" to the position of Interim Governor. It is widely expected that acting Governor Eliot Spitzer will resign following revelations he recently had a liaison with a high-end call girl in a Washington, D.C. hotel.
Marvin Jenks, an unemployed mechanic from Upper Needham Falls, New York was recently featured on the Dateline NBC show attempting to rendezvous with a 13 year-old boy for a sexual encounter. Jenks entered the sting wearing a silk lavender thong, carrying a case of whipped cream, and singing the lyrics to David Bowie's "John, I'm Only Dancing". "I'm a sick prick!!! And my brain's messed up," sobbed the semi-lucid Jenks as he was dragged away from the scene.
Why appoint a soulless child molester to the most important leadership position in one of the biggest states in the nation? In short, officials don't think there's a single politician left with moral fortitude to hold the office. By picking an individual with rock-bottom expectations, the public will have a Governor who can only get better in the eyes of the public by virtue of the fact that he's already committed the most heinous act imaginable. "Every day he doesn't molest is a win for Mr. Jenks and a win for the state of New York," said an aide who requested anonymity because his family, high school civics teacher, and Lord God Our Father in Heaven would be ashamed and astonished about his views on the matter.
Officials hope that the appointment of another overstimulated sex maniac will mute the public outcry when, inevitably, Mr. Governor drops his pants and does something wicked, wicked naughty. As the unnamed aide reasoned, "The strategy here is to be honest: politicians are greasy sex addicts who would steal their grandmother's purse if they're jonesing for a 5 minute roll-around session. It's time to be upfront about it, it's time for the public to stop being surprised by their shocking compulsions."
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